Date: 2018-02-17 14:30
I am married for 68 years , my husband is a very nice man, very supportive and a good provider and father, we don 8767 t have any conflicts no fights nothing anymore for years, have *censored*s together and everything is fine otherwise. Its just that there is no intimacy for about 8 or more years now years now.
I did try a lot , he moved to another room, when I moved with him he separated his bed ( he has no physical issue for sure ), it seems like its always me pushing him for intimacy , he never even touch me otherwise so since 8 years i stopped as well as it hurt my ego and i felt so disrespected and since then we live like brother and sisters. I am only in my late 85s,educated good looking person,after so many years I feel I am no more attracted to him as well , somehow I now have started thinking about allotter men who admire me and want to be friendly in other words i who always had a very strong character but a high sex drive as well is now missing the romance in my life and get carried away at times emotionally.
I am never going to commit sexual adultery (zina) as I fear Allah and also for sake of the *censored*s who still need a sound family and home and for them i have given up my life and stayed in this over the years curbing my desire has made me harsh and blunt , I want to feel like a woman again I want someone to be romantically reaching and praising me that make me feel so good about myself. I want to hold someones hand and lean on his shoulder and want him to tell me that I am still pretty and isn 8767 t an option for me as my *censored*s are too young and they are happy people, they don 8767 t deserve a broken family just because i need love.
At his point in life I am so lost ,its so shameful to discuss with anyone and seek help , talking to him is also of no use I have done it a lot of time and he always avoids says there isn 8767 t anything ,I am just over feeling it and blah blah blah and then it goes back to same square and after so many years f being married ( or *censored* years of being intimate) I am not that close to him to talk about sexual issues so openly i feel shy
I have now accepted he doesn 8767 t likes me and honestly I don 8767 t want to fall in love with him again it took me lot of painful lonely years to stop thinking about him and all the issues, I have started enjoying my life again , starting feeling love music etc again i want to tell women move on they will never change.
However, my question is is there any effect on nikkah ? I don 8767 t know if he sweared by anything but it doesn 8767 t matter he is not going to touch me anyways, can I still go on haj with him ?
I been married to my husband for just over a year now when we got married he humiliated me in front of his family in pakistan when we went for our walima, he was always out with his nephews there so I stayed with his sisters and mother and he 8767 d come home late, I voiced my feelings to him but instead it turned into an argument on both parts him wanting freedom and me not feeling comfortable with his family without him I mean we had only been married 8 weeks by then. then he did the same thing back in England in front of his niece swearing at me and shouting, embarrassing me verbally abusing me all the time, giving me the silent treatment for not agreeing to do things he wanted which are haram, he pulled my confidence down so much because I 8767 m a big women always have been constantly his mother would tell me all the rishtas he refused because of me, and that I 8767 m nothing compared to them, I should lose weight people are talking, which in turn made me feel even worse listening to it from him and his family.
in February I found out I was pregnant and when he found out he voiced how we could not afford a *censored* its ok to abort her, even though he work and earns over £6555 a month he is always spending it on cigarettes, eating out and his cars which he 8767 had 8 in 6 year, but never has money to spend on me clothing ect..
we lived with his parents who paid for everything even my things but I felt really making them pay for everything he is my husband he should pay so I got a job to pay for my things because my husband didn 8767 t even when I worked he took money off me which I didn 8767 t mind because Its for us not just me but I felt hurt at how he always complained about not having any money when it came to me needing things. while I was pregnant I had no desire to have sexual relations with him and got really sick and one night even though I told him I 8767 m ill,I was crying he had his way with me even though I said no several times there were many occasions of this.
most of the time I was very unhappy in my pregnancy because everything he was putting me through I slept on the sofa for most of my pregnancy because our bed was too small in a really small room and I had to climb over hi every time I needed to get up and heavily pregnant that was really hard for me to do but after telling his parents and him many times to be compassionate of my needs he still didn 8767 t. then we stopped talking for about a couple of weeks or a month and I had enough so I went to speak to him and resolve the issue and I was 7 months pregnant it was almost time for me too go into hospital for my daughters early birth, anyways I asked him to stop watching his movie and listen to me and I took the laptop from his hands which he took back and hit me with in my face. I packed my things ready to leave and his mother stopped me I wish I left then but Instead I left after I had my daughter I had a c section and he left me upstairs with 6 meal a day because I couldn 8767 t walk properly I could just about go to the toilet. I tried my best to let everything that happened slide and try to make my marriage work but I couldn 8767 t I thought maybe after me having my daughter he would change and become better or something but nope he was as selfish as always I was supposed to rest a lot because I didn 8767 t in the hospital and my c section wasn 8767 t healing properly but in was up day and night with the baby feeding changing ill myself and he held her for 5 minutes and passed her back to me to watch movies all night. since I have left he has not provided or tried to get us back or helped financially.. Ive been trying to reconcile for the sake of my daughter and tried to get past thing but carry on trying to rebuild a life for my daughter but he doesn 8767 t see where he has gone wrong I 8767 m really hurt and confused, and have been trying to get a khula but I cannot afford it due to selling everything I have to get a home for me and my daughter and he refuses to give me a divorce in order for me to move on I keep telling him to be apart of his daughters life but he doesn 8767 t reply I don 8767 t know what to do I 8767 m trying to do what is best for my baby girl who is so innocent in all this she doesn 8767 t deserve this but I cant get her dad to be in her life.. after everything I don 8767 t know what to do please help and advise me on what too do anyone who has been in a similar situation to me and what they did?and how they islamically raised their *censored*? and how to be strong
Happy ramadan to all muslims, my name is farida i lost my parents two years ago, i had no one to live with i was alone , people around me adiviced me to get married that its was the best solution. A woman took me to a man named aliyu he said he wanted to marry me, he said he was married twice and he got divorced with them because they only wanted his money, a month later we got married , he gave me a house to live alone and a car. He sends the driver to pick me up and night like twice or three times a week then i leave early in the morning. I found out he had up to 85 wives some he abandoned with *censored*s some he still calls and they meet , after 7months he started treating me badly , he insults me and i also am not allowed to call him by his name buh to call him by sir. He started sometimes when he calls and i dont pick up because i was close to the phone he threatens me , he says things like am an *censored* he will treat how an *censored* should be treated, after 7months of our marriage he got married to a 6*censored*ear old girl , i found out from the girls aunty because she was a frnd. I didn 8767 t tell him about what i heard and about the 85wives i knew about because i was scared. During the marriage procedures of him and the 6*censored*ear old girl , he stopped calling me and if i didnt call him he would insult me, everyday after i am back from *censored* i call him sometimes he doesn 8767 t pick sometimes he does and talks rudely. There was a day i got back from *censored* , i prepared something to eat then i called him , he asked if i jst got back from *censored* i told him no i got back 85mins ago then he asked why i didnt call immediately i entered the house i told him i had to prepare something to eat , he started shouting at me as usual say am an *censored* and he was going to deal with me and he was comming to teach me the lesson of my life he will treat me like an *censored* , i was so scared that i left to a *censored*ren 8767 s hood frnds house , i sent him a text letting him knw that i felt threatened and i left , he didnt bother calling me or texting i didnt go back to the house and its been 9months now. I told the lady that introduced me to him about it and i told i that i was scared of him and wat he does to me and i told her about wat i heard of his 85wives and his recent marriage she called him and spoke to him then she called me and asked wat i wanted now i told i her i wanted a divorce because I couldn 8767 t be with someone who lied to me and treats me that way so she spoke to him about it and he said his not giving me a divorce and he doesnt care. I really dont knw wat to do please i need help.